Pity Party

Posted on December 13, 2011. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Sad Trombone.

I totally had a case of the Monday blues last night and I had a crazy pity party. One negative thought can turn into a slippery slope and all of a sudden life isn’t looking too grand. And let me say this, I know I have a wonderful life and I have so much to be grateful for every single day. I know. But sometimes, you just need to have those moments to let it all out.

When I got home, I had a burst of energy and started cleaning my apartment for the houseguests I’m having this weekend. I did laundry, scrubbed the bathroom and cleaned every inch of my place (except for the kitchen which will be done on Thursday)…and I was still wearing my work dress, tights and boots. Weird. I had every intention of getting to the gym last night and getting a quick workout in but the more I cleaned the later I got and soon I found myself changing in comfy clothes, making some dinner and plopping down on the couch to watch White Christmas (best. Christmas. movie. ever.)

And then for no good reason, my mind started to go into overdrive thinking about life and I slipped down into unhappy territory. Pity party for 1? Present.

I feel insanely far away from certain life goals.

I want to get married and have children and while I know I am still very young, everyone around me is reaching this goal and I am super jealous. My last couple of relationships latest quite a few years and I really felt like I knew those boyfriends inside and out. How can I meet someone and marry them without dating for years?! Sometimes I start to think about that and my head spins.

I want a job that makes me smile and allows me to live…and not just paycheck to paycheck. My last two job moves have been completely lateral and I’m regretting that I didn’t hold out for positions that would have moved me forward in my career. I want to advance. I’m ready to manage, I’m ready to take on more and I know I am capable of doing it. I know I’m worth more than I make and that there is a job out there for me to thrive in but right now, I’m just floating along until election day and it’s frustrating.

I want to own a home. I did choose to live alone in the city and I do love my apartment and having my own space. However, it is definitely more expensive than having roommates and I will be honest and say that I am majorly struggling to keep my finances in check and afford my place. I would love to own my own apartment one day and of course I can’t wait to own a house with my husband but that all seems so far away from me.

I want to pay off all of my student loans and have a completely debt-free existence. Every month when I pay my credit card bill and my student loans, I feel like I am never going to get down to the big $0 because it’s just so daunting. I am grateful that I have an undergraduate degree and that I went to graduate school but the burden of the loans definitely keeps me awake at night.

I want to be at a healthy and happy weight and not have to constantly feel like I’m trying to lose weight. I know this is all on me and that I need to make bigger changes in my life and really stick with them to make this happen. I don’t want to buy bigger clothes and I don’t want to look at other people’s successes and feel bitter about them. I want to have my own and to gain back my confidence and be able to complete any race I want. I want to be a strong, fit woman.

That is certainly a hefty list of wants and of course, that’s just the big stuff. When all of this is on the brain front and center, I tend to get a bit down. But of course there is nothing I can do but do little things every day to work toward these goals, keep a positive attitude and try to do my best to help others who are much less fortunate than I am. The pity party is officially over for now.

Stephanie

Monday’s workout: None…cleaning?!, 100 pushup challenge (I keep forgetting to write this and this is actually the ONE workout I’ve stuck to every day because it’s so quick and easy)
Monday’s meals highlight: None, bland day, my friends.

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    About

    Two friends living and working in Washington, D.C. writing about life, food, fashion, design and living an active lifestyle…so, basically everything!

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